Roller-Coaster

You came into my life like a breath of fresh air,

You scared me and enticed me both at the same time.

You were different, new, somewhat unpredictable,

My complete opposite.

I like routine, stability and familiarity,

You held not one of these attributes, but still I was drawn to you,

Like a mouse to a block of cheese or honey to a swarm of bees.

Little did I know that you were in fact a harsh gust of wind,

Which came into my life and disoriented my very being, my secure state of mind.

You were the flash of lightning paired with the crash of thunder,

Which kept me up at night wondering, doubting and over-thinking.

A woman’s intuition is a very real thing,

It is that bad feeling in your gut, the niggling thought in the back of your mind.

It is a basic human instinct telling us when something is not right,

When we should retreat.

I ignored this warning, proceeding with blind hope,

Hope that you would not leave my heart in pieces and confused.

What used to be sweet compliments, have turned into sweet nothings, whispered lies.

What was perceived to be a promising future together, is now a hopeless pipe dream lost in the vastness of a black hole.

You were the sun bright and beautiful, now eclipsed and dark, invisible in the night sky.

Alike to what we had, which has now disappeared.

I try not to think about you too much, it is hard to believe all that you said was a lie.

You were a good actor.

Studious, ambitious, caring for family and friends, having everything all together.

You deserve a round of applause, you got me.

I hope satisfaction finds you well, no one is worth wishing ill towards.

I am a cold, hard realist when it comes to real life situations.

I am aware that serendipitous things happen; and in some situations there are very atypical reasons for such situations to occur.

However, after every person who I have let beyond my walls of security and proceeded to let me down,

My faith in humanity lessens each and every time.

My friends still hold out hope that you will reappear with good reasons for why you disappeared,

But I have had enough accidents to know when I should be more careful or to just abstain.

In other words, my heart has had enough grief to know when it is time to start respecting myself and just move on.

I have moments where I feel fine, I am convinced that I have moved on and that you no longer matter…

But then there are also times when I am overcome with a pain in my chest likened to the wave of a tsunami, drowning in your lies and false promises.

You did the one thing you promised you would never do.

I realise everyone promises things in the height of the moment, failing to really think about the weight of the words leaving their mouth.

I have concluded that everyone hurts you, but you just have to find the people worth hurting for,

You were not one of those people.

People ask me what I am going to do next…

I am not going to claim to know exactly where life will take me, but I know I want to be alone with just my family, friends and God; enjoying the journey that life brings.

You were my roller-coaster, a little bit of fun,

It is time to get off the ride and live my life for me.