Lesson Number

Pain.

Darkness.

Regret.

All these things I feel after doing the deed.

No matter how many times I make the same mistake. I am never prepared for the deep hurt I cause myself.

Tears come to my eyes.

A tightness in my chest.

All I want is to curl up in a ball and block everything out.

What am I now?

How would I describe myself?

Stupid.

Silly.

Slut.

Reckless.

Zero self-respect.

Dirty.

Sinful.

Helpless.

So many words.

So much hurt.

Why did I do this to myself?

This isn’t the first time.

I know what this feels like.

Why am I so careless?

I don’t feel like I can be helped.

Helpless.

I feel like I am not good enough.

Worthless.

I am so ashamed.

This is a lesson.

I can’t say what number this is.

I’ve lost count.

I have to try and remember this.

This feeling.

This hurt.

This dread.

This regret.

This feeling of disappointment.

So the next time this opportunity arises…

I run.