“Just because your parents couldn’t manage the discomfort surrounding your emotions doesn’t mean you were or are wrong for feeling them”
This is definitely another form of generational trauma passing it’s way down through your geneology. Along with, (black people especially) “not needing to go to counselling, and going to God” instead. How about both people?
My point is, I’ve had an interestingly long journey of coming to accept and mostly feel my feelings. They used to be so scary to me. I used to think I was weak for showing emotions and crying. How weird is that? And who taught me that?
We need better teachers.
I see much of my family, especially my parents who I have rarely seen show emotions. I truly believe parents forget how much showing their vulnerability to their children actually aids their emotional development.
Socialisation also holds a massive impact over how emotion is expressed, especially regarding different genders.
Therefore, it is not only our own parents trauma being passed down to us that we have to combat with; but also the cultural socialisation that we are subconsciously learning.
Although, I have made my own leaps and bounds in regards to my emotional maturity and intelligence over the years, I still come across the same difficulties when it comes to my parents or other family members.
I don’t believe there was ever many times where I as a child was presented with a “safe space” to truly say and show how I was feeling”. I was always a quiet child, who grew into a quiet teenager; and thus was rarely “really” checked in with to see if I was okay. It was assumed that as I was quiet, I must be fine. As though every cry for help has to be out loud.
I am still trying to figure out how to hone the authenticity of my emotions; around those in my life who still haven’t figured out how to be comfortable with their own. It’s difficult and conflicting. But I realised that how people react to you, is more about them than anything else.
Projection and deflection are very common things.
I recognise this is not an uncommon theme amongst the general population and everyone has their challenges, albeit on the range of a spectrum.
Nonetheless, the managing and feeling of emotions is a key component to being a healthily functioning human being. And I genuinely believe the more we learn about how to healthily express our emotions and unlearn the bullsh*t gender roles drivel, society sprouts endlessly; this would ease at least a little pressure off of mental health statistics and decrease the existence of men who are emotionally unavailable (coming from a woman who has had too many experiences with them).
Therefore, I will continue to do my part and attend counselling regularly to continue to unlearn the toxic mess; and replace that with what is healthy.
Hopefully, my generation of young adults will continue to break the generational curses and simultaneously teach our parents that emotions are not taboo; and can be expressed freely without contention.
Does anyone else still struggle with the fullness of their emotions and feelings, despite all the work they’ve done over the years?
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. The more authentic we are to ourselves, the more peace we are able to govern over our lives.
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