CB: I Am Just Not Ready

For dating 😵

I promise I just don’t believe I’ll ever be truly ready and raring to go dating. Whenever I’ve recently gotten myself into a position to get to know someone, I am filled with apathy. I truly cannot be bothered.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss the perks of having someone there. That’s what it is!! The missing of a companion and feeling the void of it some days. That is what lures me back into the world of dating, whether that be striking conversations with mutual people or going into online dating.

And here’s the kicker: I think I know what I want, but honestly I don’t. All I know is I’ll know when I see it. But how will I see it if I’m not dating?

And being casual doesn’t work for me. Trust me, I know 🥴

If I think back to how I created my thought processes around romance, I remember reading a lot of love books in my adolescence and decided my best romance would spring from an authentic friendship whereby we were close and had a solid foundation; and then the romance would build upon that.

How real life has messed up that daydream 😵

I’ll be honest a part of me thinks I’ll just mess it up. I’ll have a good man (for me) come into my life and I won’t let them love me because I haven’t healed enough from my traumas. That is my fear. So I feel I must be perfect before choosing to be a part of someone else’s life.

Even though I know no one is perfect and everyone has some form of trauma, which is also at varying levels of healing.

I’ll be holding myself to a higher standard for no good reason.

I know there are people out there who understand and people who think the same as I do.

Is it crazy for me to just want an authentic connection and to go from there?

Also, most of the guys I like don’t like me back. What is that about? Anyway I digress.

This is a little vent but also a sign for me to just have extra grace and patience with myself. I still have a hard time asserting my boundaries and saying no, and feeling like I shouldn’t put myself first. I’m definitely a work in progress and I’m going to continue working on my hurdles to be the best version of myself I can be.

I know I am lovable, but I also know it can be a hard road to get to the best parts of me. I need to work on making some of those walls a little lower maybe.

Again this is just another aspect of my life that I am working on improving. If anything, I have become an expert at being single (and I do love it) but I know one day I don’t just want it to be me and my stellar career, I’ll want more. I’m going to keep my vision, stride in my lane and I know someone who matches my pace will come along and show me what I’m missing in my life (she hopes 🙏🏾)

For my fellow singles out there, do you feel truly ready for a committed relationship? What is stopping you?

Have a truly blessed one my lovelies 💋