Adulthood, that is
I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life being an adult and I don’t know how to feel about that…
Do you remember when you were a child and you could not wait to be an adult and do what you want, when you want?
I know you are all reminiscing now – good times no? I would even say it’s bittersweet
Why bittersweet? I hear you question… Because whatever we as children thought adulthood was, was incorrect and it is in reality a scam.
As a child we cannot wait, we are striving to get to be an adult and make our own decisions, and now we are here.
I realise I spent so much time wanting to get to adulthood that I didn’t spend nearly enough time enjoying it.
Hindsight is 20:20 after all
There are a few reasons I believe adulthood is a scam
I’ll divulge and you can let me know if you agree
1. Bills
Like WTF! Who said moving out and paying rent and bills was a good idea? The idea of ever owing my own property now feels a bit of a myth… Obviously learning how to be responsible with money, budgeting and ensuring you’ve paid all necessary bills is a necessary skill to have. Nonethesless, have you seen how inflation is doing the average earners dirty? And I say average earners, because those individuals who are earning above 60K are not feeling the squeeze like the rest of us, and those earning 100K+ are most likely the ones creating the squeeze through giving themselves fat bonuses for being greedy :/ I am currently in a houseshare where the bills are all-inclusive; I know that in the next year, I will be living somewhere else and that residence will most likely have bills separate; and I am dreading the costs. Can I afford it, I don’t know. The question we can all relate to is: “Why is my salary not increasing at the same rate as these bills?” – my measly 2.5% increase does not cut it and I have more increasingly been looking at getting a part-time job in addition or coming up with a side hustle for a second income stream. Anyone else in the same boat?
2. Employment
Am I working to live or living to work? I am still trying to figure out the answer to this ever complex equation. A quick sidenote: the subject you study at university holds little weight, unless you are studying Medicine or a career that requires a particular subject. Other than that, just the fact that you hold a degree is enough; and even in some cases you don’t need one to get into a role and work your way up. Univeristy was a scam as we were led to believe that once we graduate, we will go straight into employment. I spent 6 months unemployed and it took me 2.5 years to get my first full-time salary role [I did a MA for a year]. Also, during childhood, when people ask what you want to do when your older has no bearing on what you actually end up doing in the fututre. There have been many times I have either changed my mind about my career chpices or have just not knwn what I want to do – which is okay by the way. Don’t let anyone else tell you any different, I have learned that no one truly knows what they are doing, and everyone is just trying their best to navigate life. Back to employment, it’s a fact that a high percentage of people don’t fully enjoy their role and that’s the norm. So the fantasy we have as children about having dream careers isn’t impossible, but it’s not as easy as we are led to believe. And no one wants to be the dream-crusher of children do they?
3. Social Life
What social life? What friends? I have found the more “adult” my life becomes, the harder it is to see friends often and make ample time to make memories. I am finding it increasingly more difficult to prioritise my social life over staying in the peace of my household. I have to really adore you somewhat to compromise that. Recently, I went out with an old work colleague [which was a blast, a great catch-up] but it was a Saturday and it was getting later in the day, which meant more people were coming out to drink and drunk people are not my ideal choice of company. So eventhough I was enjoying the company, I began to get weary of the crowds of people drinking – someone was holding a jug for no other reason but to possibly use it to make their own cocktail or be sick in :/ This is just olne example of trying to maintaina social life – the last time I saw this friend was 10 months prior. This is the norm for me and my friends now – no one tells you how busy adult life can get and how you have to prioritise more to ensure a balanced life. How often do you meet up with friends?
4. Relationships
Nothing prepares you for cultivating a healthy relationship. I have had toxic relationships, but let me tell you, nothing is quite as hard as having and keeping a healthy relationship. I am saying that from a grateful place as I would never trade a healthy relationship for a toxic one. Plus I believe a key trait of a healthy relationship is the work that both parties put in to mmake it work. A healthy relationship requires consistent work, open communication and true understanding. So much easier said than done though! From my perspective, I have taken lessons from my parents’ relationships and tried my best to do better. I told a colleague of mine recently, I have never humbled myself so much, than when have been in a relationship. In my opinion it’s less important to be right, more important to be understanding and reach a compromise, as long as both parties feel listened to and understood, it is more than okay to still disagree. A lot of people forget that being in a relationship means the two people are a team, and they are a team against their problems. Therefore, when disagreements arise, it is not one person against the other, it’s both of them against the problem. I have to constantly remind myself of that. The most difficjlt thing for me is, coming face-to-face with myself and the things I need to work on and being honest with myself about them. They say a relationship is a mirror, and coming to terms with certain things about myself hasn’t been easy, but worthwhile to work through and improve. You cannot be prideful and maintain a healthy relationship. Being humble is a not-so-secret blessing. How do you deal with the work required to keep a relationship healthy?
5. Family
How many of us truly like all of our family? Be honest. It’s not like we picked them. Being an adult means being privy to more information about your family and past situations which definitely makes you see some people in a different light. It also means you are no longer a child and have the autonomy to decide how you spend your time, and if you choose to spend it with family at all. I know there is no one alive who hasn’t had some family drama. I have come across a few people who have said they would not let certain family members near their children. That’s real and I can also relate 🙂 You know the saying: “Blood is thicker than water”? This – for me – is used to justify placating wayward family members’ behaviour, and I do not subscribe. As I have gotten older, had more experiences and trauma to heal, I have decided anyone and everyone can go – anyone who disrupts my peace? Can go. Simple and easy. And that obviously includes family. Once you’ve been through enough hardship and have experienced real peace, it becomes a true priority. My saying is: “Peace over everything”. Can you relate? At the end of the day, we are all living our own lives, and a major lesson I am still learning is that: you cannot live for anyone else, no matter how you try, you will disapoint someone, so just do what’s best for you. What anyone else thinks is none of my business and none of my concern. One thing I am still battling with on occasion, is going back home and falling back into the role I had when living there i.e. a child. So I almost automatically start taking on some family’s opinions and critiques and sit and take it like I am still a child, when in reality, I don’t have to sit anywhere and take anything. It definitely helps that I live away from my family and I don’t visit often lol. How doy’all navigate keeping your adult status when returning back home?
6. I can do anything I want whenever
But do I have the means? What use is having the options without the means to bring it into fruition? What a tease this adulthood is being. Honestly. I sometimes release the constraints on my mind and think about the fact that I could do anything right now. I could book a flight to somewhere, get a loan and buy a car, quit my job, etc. Those thoughts really do challenge me and unsettle me a little. Because eventhough I can do anything, I cannot really, or moreso, it wouldn’t be wise to just do anything without assessing the consequences. Especially when I am in a bad or frivilous mood, I have to keep myself grounded and not do anything I will be questioning for a long time. Am I the only one who thinks like this every-so-often? Don’t leave me hanging people.
Those are some of my main reasons for thinking adulthood is a scam and it honestly make me want to encourage my younger siblings not to rush their childhood. As there is no going back, this is it. Nevertheless, despite adult life not being what we thought it would be as a child, life is what you make it. Come what may, we all have the power to alter the perspective of a situation and find the silver lining.
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