Same Cycle

I’m back in that cycle again.. of getting up and wanting the day to be over already

I’m not suicidal or anything.

I’m just not enjoying life right now

And I think that’s fair and not out of the ordinary

Inflation

Living to work

Just barely existing

I am and have been truly tired

I am currently doing a lot right now, well I feel it is a lot…

I started a new role in July, I have been taking driving lessons, going to the gym, trying to be consistent in life in general

Isn’t consistency one of the hardest things?

Out of the list above, I have only managed to be consistent with my job [as it pays me] and my driving as I truly want to get it over and done with [more on that in a different post]

Why is consistency so hard?

Well for me, it’s so hard because being consistent means carrying on with all my ventures in spite of my depression, bouts of anxiety and general fatigue.

I took a step back from myself in the last week and assessed my situation; and realised I was back in the cycle of being a high-functioning depressive, who was on her way to burnout

My schedule had gotten much busier all at once, and managing my time successfully, meant that I was over-exerting myself and not even giving myself enough time to be conscious of it

Anyone else know the feeling?

How many of us are trying to better our lives, keep up with our commitments and responsbilities, whilst trying to love themselves the best they can?

You’re not alone

I am here to let you know that we are all trying our best, in the best way we know how, to live our best lives in the healthiest ways. And it’s okay to admit that it isn’t easy and that we don’t want to do it all the time.

I sure don’t.

These past nearly two weeks, I have favoured having a lie-in over going to the gym

As I have been enjoying sleep much more than usual

And that is okay

Consistency does not always look completely consistent

But as long as you do not give up indefinitely, you are showing an element of consistency

If anything, I have been consistent in my quest of being a regular gym-goer and healthy eater, eventhough I have not been to the gym in two weeks…

I say all this to say: it’s okay

It’s okay to be sad

It’s okay to stop a routine

It’s okay to truly do what you want to do for once [as long as you aren’t harming anyone of course]

Who wrote the rules for how to live life anyway?

I like to say “different strokes for different folks”, meaning different things work for different people

And a part of being my most authentic self means, finding out what works for me and living it out in the most shameless way possible

Only compete with the “you” from yesterday – that’s your only competition

I am my own competition

So when I wake up tomorrow morming, I am aiming to be better than I was the day before

Maybe tomorrow, I will go to the gym

Nonetheless, I am hopeful

I was watching a new show and there was a line that has stuck with me: “The only thing that overcomes infinte darkness is hope”

When I am in a depressive state, it feels very dark and isolating, but no matter how dark it gets, there is always hope

“This Too Shall Pass” is tattooed on my forearm to remind me of that very thing

So I just want to encourage and remind you that, no matter the struggle you are currently facing, or the exhausting cycle you have been going through, things will get better as long as you keep hope alive.