Pain.
Darkness.
Regret.
All these things I feel after doing the deed.
No matter how many times I make the same mistake. I am never prepared for the deep hurt I cause myself.
Tears come to my eyes.
A tightness in my chest.
All I want is to curl up in a ball and block everything out.
What am I now?
How would I describe myself?
Stupid.
Silly.
Slut.
Reckless.
Zero self-respect.
Dirty.
Sinful.
Helpless.
So many words.
So much hurt.
Why did I do this to myself?
This isn’t the first time.
I know what this feels like.
Why am I so careless?
I don’t feel like I can be helped.
Helpless.
I feel like I am not good enough.
Worthless.
I am so ashamed.
This is a lesson.
I can’t say what number this is.
I’ve lost count.
I have to try and remember this.
This feeling.
This hurt.
This dread.
This regret.
This feeling of disappointment.
So the next time this opportunity arises…
I run.
