Dear Dad,
When I look at you, I see all the things you were neglected of from your childhood. Because they were all the things you neglected to provide for me in mine.
One of the most precious things a Father can give to their daughter is the knowledge and feeling of being loved by a man properly and fully.
But what does one do when their Father was never taught how to show love and affection? They go searching in other places. In all the wrong places usually.
I did and still do sometimes. It’s hard.
I am still learning what a man is supposed to be and what love from a man is supposed to feel like. And if I’m honest, experiencing that love scares me, I’ve never had it before.
I’m afraid that love will come and I’ll sabotage it and myself; ridding my future of what I truly deserve and am worth.
I wish you said you loved me more
I wish you hugged me more often
I wish you knew how to love me in the way I needed, when I needed you the most
But wishes are only granted in fairytales
I’m still learning what healed and wholesome love is supposed to be and feel like.
I’m still learning how to assert what I want and deserve
I’m still learning how to persevere through the difficult times, whilst simultaneously maki my sure I leave at the right time
I’m so afraid of ending up with the wrong person, I’d rather stay single. But I crave the commitment, love and security relationships can bring.
Nevertheless, I’m grateful for you. I don’t believe God allows traumas of all magnitudes without there being a reason and rhyme behind it.
I’ll use this as a part of my journey and testimony; one day these feelings will be a distant memory. A hurdle I successfully cleared.
I’m so thankful that there’s still time. You and I have managed to improve our relationship and cultivate something still quite tender.
You also did your best. You loved me the best way you knew how.
You’ll always be the man who stuck around ❤️❤️
