I went four weeks without a counselling session…. I bet you’re wondering how I survived right?
Me too to be perfectly frank. But I’m still here 🥲
So I spent a month away from York, mostly in Birmingham and some time spent in London. This meant that I was deciding to take a break from my usual bi-weekly counselling sessions.
To put into context: I usually have things go wrong or situations arise that I’d love to discuss in a session on the week that I don’t have a session. So imagine all that went down in the month I had zero counselling sessions 👀
This past month, I definitely believe I have been working through some growing pains in regards to adulting. Particularly around setting boundaries and having difficult/potentially awkward conversations. Boy oh boy – this is one part of adulting that is not my favourite.
I have had to really look at some of the relationships I have been entertaining and really assert my intentions and gain clarity.
You know what I’m talking about right? The conversations that make you anxious and you’d rather not have for fear of confrontation.
Well I had two friendships that I needed to address boundaries and intentions. One was easier than the other (the conversation). The worst part about having these conversations is the existential worry about losing that relationship and how it will affect you in the future. I had to remember that I cannot be living life authentically when I have no boundaries and am tip-toeing around my loved ones. And therefore, if once I’ve set my boundaries and had the difficult conversation, the person decides they don’t want to be a part of my life, then they simply aren’t supposed to be a part of the next chapter of my journey. And that is more than okay.
Another dilemma that cropped up was regarding some family dynamics that needed some firm adjustments. So I ended up staying with my parents for a month, (give or take 5 days which I spent in London). If you know me well, you will know being home for an extended period of time is difficult for me, as I’ve always enjoyed my own space and company more than anything else. But not for my own need, did I endure. (Lol I make it sound like torture, I love my family I promise, but too much of anything is bad for you 🥲). As time went on, I found enjoyment in being home, but most importantly I saw where I need to be in the next season of my life. And now I know, I just need God to help me with the “how”. (I am being coy as I don’t like to speak on things before they are concrete). But I basically see where I am being called to next, by virtue of being home for that length of time.
I definitely feel the absence of my sessions when I take a break, but it gives me the opportunity to use the skills and everything I’ve learned in real time. It reveals to me how I’ve grown, healed and really have begun to trust in my own judgement and being brave enough to choose my options boldly without explanation or apology.
This post is a whole lot of something and nothing. Life feels that way too a lot of the time. I am truly just trying my best to navigate this life having more lessons than regrets. Having more wisdom than ignorance. And to continue to find and keep my peace with being authentically me.
I love how I am able to learn a lot about myself both in and out of my counselling sessions. I promise in each situation I now go through, I am consciously trying to learn more about myself, and it’s the most beautiful journey. I used to be so filtered and disconnected, now I am honing the courage to just be me and to know that this is the best thing in life I can be i.e. myself.
I just want to encourage you all to be your best authentic self. No one is perfect, we all can attest to that. But being unapologetically yourself is so freeing, and it releases the mental space usually taken up by meaningless B.S. we can obsess over sometimes. It brings us peace and the older I get, the more valuable my peace becomes.
Whatever the point is of this post, I have one more thing to say… the traumas and the hardships we go through can literally break you, but it’s the rebuilding of yourself that really contributes and adds to your character, resilience and compassion and empathy for others. Akin to making lemonade out of lemons, I am making a love story out of life. My love story, where I undeniably love myself through every situation life brings and I remain standing. 🥰
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