I have just quite possibly had my heart rendered numb.
Tears run down my face as I try to steady my breathing. I lie in my bed thinking “how could I have gotten it so wrong?”
I had just been told by someone I love that they don’t have romantic feelings for me.
I have had many men/boys pass through my life and I’ve never thought much of them. However, this particular gentleman is just that. A gentleman. My feelings grew from a serendipitous friendship and I was afraid to admit to myself, but I knew I loved him.
He had done it, the one thing that is near impossible for many, he had taken a special place in my heart to stay. He instantly became the most important person to me, I stood firm when he went through a tumultuous time in his life and helped out in every way I thought possible. In my mind he was mine already.
I even scared myself… He was and still is the first guy I’ve thought about having children with and actually getting married someday. After my bad experience with a selfish man, he was my rainbow after the storm. But this was all in my head. Make believe. Fake. To him, I was just his friend. A good friend nonetheless, but nothing more than that.
I lie here thinking to myself “how am I going to get through this?”
It starts here and now. I told myself if not a romantic relationship, then a close friendship. It will take time, but closure is what I needed and that’s exactly what I got. The healing process has begun… 😌
