Obviously we all have to grow up at some stage in life. And I know for me, as I get older and I mature, I reflect a lot on my past. Perceptions of people change from childhood to adulthood. Now my parents weren’t together from the age of 3. And at 5, I was sent to live with my dad and I saw my mum occasionally.
As always in childhood and parental separation, the parent you don’t live with is always the good cop and the one you live with is the bad cop. So in my situation my mum was the favourable parent.
Boy is ignorance bliss. I was so completely unaware of how I mixed up the labels. My mother to me was an angel, but in actual fact she was the opposite. (Elaboration for another time).
Now at the age of 21, and after a load of reflection I have come to the conclusion that some mothers were just meant to be surrogates. I hate to be a victim of my past, and I will never say I am a victim, however I cannot deny that the things this woman has done will always always have an effect on me.
There are times when I get sad and there are times I get angry.
I sometimes think I should talk to her and ask her for an explanation. Lol. I did that once… Didn’t end well. Here’s a little excerpt of her response to my asking her why she was a bad mum:
Get over yourself you selfish little child. And who the fuck do you think you are talking to. I don’t give a shit what you think of me or my lifestyle. You were left in good care with your dad and you had a decent life. Much better than mine.
Don’t try and pin no bullshit bad mother on me.
Fuck off and go live your life
Talk to me with respect or fuckoff!!!
This was back in June and we haven’t spoken since. Even now reading this back, it still hurts to think that this woman gave birth to me and she couldn’t care less about me. But no sense is made living in the past, I have moved on. And I am happier because of it.
The message here is that regardless of everyone’s past, you should not let it define you. It’s just proof that even family can come and go. We all have to grow up someday and realise that we can in fact pick and choose who we want in our lives. And I have a mum, it just happens that it is not the same one who gave birth to me.
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