Is it possible to be in two places at once?
I manage it all the time now
Physically sitting with family watching tv, having mindless conversation
Whilst my thoughts are digging deep into the “what if’s” and “what next’s” of life
The overthinking of the mind
Exhausts my physical body
My head pounding
I can no longer sleep at night
Lord only knows how I can function in the day with only 3 hours of sleep
What am I running on?
I’ve managed to keep you at bay for this long
Now you’ve come full force like a tidal wave, knocking me on my back
Chains have formed around my arms and legs
I can no longer move, stuck in this hole
Trapped
I’m drunk off of misery
I finished a bottle of disappointment
I’ve injected myself with “can’t” “never” and “won’t”
My DNA is intertwined with oppression and negativity
Infected
I look in the mirror and I don’t recognise the person staring back
I examine my body and all I feel is disgust
What’s happened to me?
Who am I?
How did I get here?
Why does it feel like I’m so close to help, but at the same time just beyond its reach?
There’s a small part of me still fighting back, the little light called Christ inside of me
I’m not finished yet
The Lord is fighting for my victory, for my freedom
I may be weak and vulnerable right now, but as long as God still loves I’ll be okay
My body with my mind feels like it’s breaking down
And I’m just watching them deteriorate
It’s painful to witness
But I have not the strength to prevent it
I can feel that people around me can see my descent
I can’t hide it, it’s almost like I’m embracing it
Is this the new me?
Am I really beyond your reach Lord?
My strength is equated to a candle light slowly but surely burning out
Help me before I completely disappear
Beyond understanding
Beyond help
Beyond your reach
