Sometimes a Phone Call isn’t Enough

It’s Saturday and I’m currently cooking some Jamaican Curry Chicken (if you know you know!)

I woke up this morning and did seven hours of overtime 6-1

I felt proud of myself, ate some food then watched “This Is Us” (which is the best show I’ve seen in a long time, makes me emosh a little more often than I’d like though lol)

I fell asleep (but not really), then woke up feeling very despondent – as though I’d wasted my day

Isn’t that crazy?

I contemplated just ordering some food because naturally getting out of bed is hard sometimes

But I remembered I made a personal goal to cook more of my cultural food this year. And I already seasoned the chicken last night.

So I forced myself out of bed and put on some Ari Lennox and called my mum to make sure I didn’t F it up. Hahah

Everything is going great, really. Recently I find I’m my best when I’m distracted from my inner thoughts and doing something.

Try as I might, my present reality creeps in and I find myself staring out the window feeling really lonely.

I haven’t quite figured out how to handle that yet.

When I look back at the months of October and November, I realise I must have worked nearly every weekend, just so I was doing something and felt productive.

I tell myself it’s because I was trying to go ham on Christmas gifts, but it wasn’t really. That was honestly just a cool bonus.

Low mood is something I’ve battled with for years now and I deal pretty well most of the time.

But have you ever felt suffocated by the sheer absence?

*Realises the possible discomfort in the topic*

Nevertheless, I was taught that you shouldn’t write something for public consumption without the element of hope.

So I’m going back into the kitchen now and finishing off my chicken and I’ll definitely be taking some pics before I tuck in.

That’s my hope in this moment. I’m going to finish cooking my chicken.

I know a lot of people are in my situation right now… I won’t be doing the “call me and we can keep in contact” thing. I am a professional hermit crab. But you’re not alone in it 🙂

Sometimes a phone call isn’t enough

But it will have to do for now